The following poem and its accompanying video were created by a domestic violence survivor. Please note potential triggers in these pieces and the power in their messaging.
I know what you are going thru! Because they say it takes one to know one and I know you.
I once was that one out of three statistic. Charm had me blindsided that I neglected the non-physical characteristics.
You know; a little control, and a little jealousy that used to be “CUTE” were sooner replaced with daily disrespect. Injecting me with insecurities that flourished in an already abandoned me. Saying things like “you’re ugly, you’re slow and no one wants you”. I believed it while analyzing the pieces that were wrong with me. I didn’t deserve that disrespect. Looking back I know the goal was to change my mindset
Demeaning jargon lead me to devalue myself and the confidence that once existed
My head shaved meant no more hair pulling to keep me hostage
As if that wasn’t sufficient
My mind had been convinced and manipulated to accept everything that was being served and every time a hand projected my skin I felt it was deserved.
My feelings were all tied up and bound and buried like distant and unforgiving memories.
Granting one full access to my emotions and feelings. Creating a tsunami of reflections that I was never to be but here I am.
In this makeshift woman made weather where every day it thunders and the lightening is just as quick as a fist. With enough destruction that is almost apocalyptic! When a surrender is easily detonated with fury and I am in its sight and path, except that explosion I can’t miss.
Because if I’m ugly and good for nothing than I guess this is as good as it gets for me I knew I needed to leave sooner than eventually. But with no plan, no job or money and family support. I couldn’t just jump ship. I couldn’t be homeless so I failed to report
I contemplated suicide many times but by my hands I couldn’t. So with every fist or object jabbed into my flesh, I held my breath and I whispered just do it.
Suicide became me.
With Thoughts of my cold lifeless body on the floor
I envisioned of DO NOT CROSS secured on the door
For me to escape this abuse war I had to proceed
So I fought less. I began embracing what should have been my “END”.
Fights always turned physical and that day my Head was first to the cold concrete wrapped in a grocery bag stealing my main source of life. I began fading and grasping that one moment of freedom in my savored last breathe.
This is the moment that I savored the fruit of abuse, another statistic I am, another lover’s quarrel they will say. Another gullible woman she should of left anyway
But in the midst of the battle there was a shift.
Clarity and survival gave me enough devotion to live. I was the enemy without a plan. Clear exit to the door. Scared every footstep could have been my last and so I ran.
Determined not to look back because looking back was going backwards and backwards would have ended my lifespan. I could finally live and take a stand.
For the first time in years, fighting thru tears of joy I never felt and happiness I wasn’t allowed I stand proud.
Today I am wounded but undefeated.
Every day of life is a reminder that I am a survivor.
So for you I understand what you’re going thru
Fight your way out
No more secret silence and cover ups
No more deprivation by being a commodity
You are Beautiful, loved, special and courageous
More future than past
The addition to being equivalent
Breaking down the walls and barriers and saying enough is enough to of the Verbal, Mental, and Physical imprisonment