Supporting Survivors of Domestic Violence: Dos & Don’ts

when they share their story

DO validate their experience and tell them you believe them.

DO empathize with them. This might sound like, “I’m so sorry this happened. That sounds so hard.”

DO express your concern gently and non-judgmentally.

DON’T question or challenge their story, or ask them to share any details they haven’t already offered.

DON’T shame them for their decisions or ask why they haven’t left the relationship.

DON’T say you understand or make it about you. Even if you are a survivor too, everyone’s story can look different. Keep the focus on them and what they need.

Taking Next Steps

DO ask if they want solutions, or just need someone to listen.

DO let them decide whether to contact a domestic violence agency, police, or other support services. Let them know you could help them with that process when they’re ready.

DO take time to better understand domestic violence.

DO reach out for help if you need someone to talk to — advocates at Steps can support loved ones of survivors, too. Our hotline is available 24/7 at 802-658-1996.

DON’T offer advice or solutions without knowing if that’s what they want.

DON’T pressure them into any decision.

DON’T assume you know their situation better than they do, or that you have all the answers they need.

Showing Your Support

DO support them and let them know you’re here for them, even if you disagree with their decisions.

DO accept them and where they are at right now. That might mean accepting if they choose to stay in the relationship.

DO set the boundaries you need to take care of yourself. If you need to take a step back for a moment, that’s okay.

DON’T isolate them further or make them choose between you and their abuser.