Note: This is a real story, written by a real person. Please be aware of potential triggers in this important piece. To share your story, click here.
I am a survivor and I will not be defeated.
I have always dreamed of the picture perfect white picket fence marriage. I am easy going, loving and just wanted the love that I seen my father give my mother, to me it was perfect. My parents got divorced when I was 14 and it crushed my world. I began to experiment with drugs and alcohol. It helped mend my pain and of course hanging with the wrong crowd. I had been blessed with two loving parents and there was no reason for this behavior but I was so angry, hurt, confused and pretty much screwed up in the head from the divorce. I skipped school every other day and eventually ended up dropping out.
Thrown threw picture windows, pushed out of moving vehicles, beat so bad I have been in 3 comas, black eyes, broken jaw, knocked out teeth, raped, strangled, thrown threw walls, punched so hard I flew out the back door and knocked out unconscious, kicked in the face, had my head stomped on, knifed, spit on, urinated on, had a boa constrictor put on my neck, told no one loved me and to take a bottle of pills and od'd. Locked in the bathroom for hours with no food. I was told what to wear who I could talk to, when I had to be home. I had no friends. If I was a minute late or if a dish was in the sink I dearly paid for it. Kicked out of my own home. I can go on and on but I’m pretty sure you got the picture. I was treated unhuman.
2 times, had to have two legal name changes and have mine and my son’s social security number changed. Mentally abused to the point of being institutionalized. Moved probably 50 times. Suffer from severe anxiety, depression, PTSD, social anxiety.
My abuse started at a young age from a family member. I would get beat on an every other day basis. I was kicked in the stomach and thrown down the stairs. I also was body slammed. I will never forget that wicked laugh that came out of his mouth.
I guess I can say I became accustomed to this kind of lifestyle. So now instead of searching for that perfect picket fence lifestyle I seeked out men that were bad boys. I mean heck if your own family member will beat you half to death.
I am only going to share two experiences with you but not to full detail, for they are too graphic.
So my first relationship I was supposed to get married at 16. He got extremely drunk I tried to leave our apartment, WELL he wasn’t having that. He told me I would not leave there alive.
He grabbed me by the back of my hair and beat my face into the wall, I tried to run he grabbed me by the neck and held me up against the wall and ripped the phone cord out of the wall and wrapped it around my neck and picked me up off the ground. I literally was gasping for air, choking. I thought for sure that night I was going to die. He then dropped me to the ground spit on me and said “Your not worth it” I again tried to run he threw a chair at me, I fell to the ground and he jumped on top of me and repeatedly slapped me and punched and again grabbed my hair and ripped out half my hair. This abuse went on for at least 8 hours that night. He finally passed out and I was able to escape. This went on for 2 years.
Now mind you every relationship or dating encounter in between had been mentally and physically abusive. But I will take you to the one that completely changed me.
It only got worse. Years went by and I had moved on with my life. So my sons father passed away of a tragic death. Once again I was feeling lost hurt confused. I had no problem jumping back into the drug life. I had met another bad boy. I immediately moved him in. At this point I had zero self esteem. I had been told for years I was a slut, ugly, stupid, a cheater, never would amount to anything etc.
I worked two jobs while he stayed home and drank at my expense. He would have violent rages. First a slap, then a punch then a I’m sorry.
He destroyed my belongings. He would go to jail. But I always took him back. Until the night he beat me senseless. He threw a chair through my big screen T.V and began to chase me and continually punched me in the face until I could no longer feel it. I was able to get up and run into my son’s room. He punched the door in half and began bashing my head into my son’s wooden dresser. Cops called he went to jail. Now I want you to know after every beating I would relocate, put my son in a new school and through trauma. The abuse consist of black eyes, busted out teeth, bruises everywhere on a regular basis, constantly being stalked, accused of having sex with my own father!!! I was kicked out of every place I lived. The beatings with him were on a regular basis. This went on for 8 years.
So for 34 years of my life. But after all of this I still get up and keep trying. I guess what I’m trying to say is I know now there is a way out, they make you believe you are nothing. If they can’t have you no one else will. The endless sorry’s, they’ll change, they’ll get help, quit druggin and drinking it’s all lies. Life is a gift. We have choices. I know it seems like you can never get out. Endless Order of Protections. But believe you me you can. You are not someone’s punching bag. If you have kids and you think it doesn’t affect them, it does! You have to realize you are something in this world, even if you have to run change your name. Do what you got to do. We are only given one life, why let someone take away your dreams your happiness. Today I live alone, I choose not to date. It gets lonely sometime but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I wish I could share my whole story to maybe change someone’s life. I hope whoever reads this and is in a bad situation makes that move and leaves. Please get out now before your abuser kills you.
May God Bless You, My Prayers are with all that are suffering.